The feeling and virtue of modesty refers initially to the safeguarding of the body. In a wider sense, it affects other aspects of privacy like one’s emotions. It is a positive virtue. It is the vigilant conscience which defends human dignity and real love. Education in this virtue consists in showing good example and explaining the reasons to live modesty, more than imposing concrete ways of dressing or acting.
The parents’ example and family environment
Parents are essential in transmitting virtues, also by the example of treating each other with modesty. Signs of mutual affection in front of the children are to be elegant, reserving certain manifestations of affection for moments when parents are alone.
Healthy modesty is shown also in postures, ways and manners of dressing at home. Even if customs are relaxing in many homes, good formation and true naturalness leads to maintain the right tone of elegance.
Education in modesty, logically reaches the level of thoughts, feelings and intentions. Refinement in family conversations is manifested in avoiding gossip about one’s own or others’ intimate life.
Modesty helps also the careful screening of the mass media when there is indecent content, including also programs which commercialize others’ intimate life and triggers frivolous curiosity. Respect for the dignity of persons prevails over the right to know.
Already in childhood
Sense of modesty is to be awakened in children when they begin to use their freedom and discover their intimacy. Little children do not realize lacks of modesty. They could be corrected gently and taught, little by little, details of this virtue: dressing well, closing the door when changing….
They should learn equally to respect others’ intimacy: knocking at the doors before entering a room, respecting the private conversations, avoiding curiosity … Thus, as they grow, they will value more the intimacy with God.
The sweet years
If parents have previously become friends of their children, the age from seven to twelve, when adolescence begins to dawn, could really be sweet years. The child is able to understand many things, but also trusts his/her parents. There is great eagerness to know. It is the age to affirm the ideals and criteria for the rest of one’s life. It is the time to explain everything, even anticipating the child’s questions, also in what refers to modesty. Thus, it is convenient to explain that clothes not only dress the body, but it also shows who the person is, what respect he/she deserves and shows to others. Prudence in this regards leads to administer one’s intimacy with rectitude, experience and good advice, especially from the parents. Children expect trust, interest in helping them and guidance, including corrections, on what to disclose, to whom and why.
The risk of this age is the indiscriminate curiosity, the desire of new experiences. And so, the parents have to anticipate it and give a real education on the value of sexuality. As St Josemaria explained to parents: “Do not lie to them: I have killed all the storks. Tell them that God has made use of you for them to come to this earth, that they are fruit of your love, of your self-giving , of your sacrifices … For that, you have to become friends of your children, giving them a chance to confide to you their things”. In this context, the value of the body is to be explained, avoiding what may consider it an object of pleasure, curiosity or play.
It is convenient to anticipate their surprise in adolescence, by explaining to them their near future changes in the body & mind. Thus they will accept them with naturalness when they occur. They should be prevented from considering this matter with malice, from learning something – which in itself is noble & holy- by means of a bad confidential chat with a friend. Even in this situation, we have to be positive. It is a period of growth for their bodies & souls, and they should be aware of the danger of a permissive environment. If they try to live with dignity and react positively, modesty will be an effective defence and help to keep the purity of heart.
The difficult years
After the age of twelve, the teen years or adolescence begin, a more difficult period for the parents. Children are then more protective of their intimacy. Sometimes they may have an argumentative attitude with the parents, they show more confidence with their friends and they have disconcerting mood swings: from overprotection of their intimacy to too much request of attention. In this last case, parents should grab this rare great opportunity and listen to them attentively.
However you can never underestimate the part buy viagra pill mental stress figures into impotency. Men can use 4T Plus capsules, which offer the best herbal and natural aphrodisiac supplements. 11. additional info viagra without prescription free Omega 3 supplements are another one of the mens vitamins that promises to restore energy. prix viagra cialis Then take 2 teaspoons of buy viagra cheapest ginger juice and mix it very well. These desires of independence are necessary also for the growth of their personality, for cultivating and administering their intimacy. The help of the parents consist mainly in winning their confidence, and knowing how to wait, to be available, interested in their things and ready to talk at any time.
Confidence have to be “earned”. It cannot be imposed, or forced by watching over all the actions of the children.
Adolescents tend to look at themselves also in the physical aspect. They are to be helped to live modesty with themselves. They tend to compare themselves and to imitate models presented to them. Most of this juvenile narcissism is felt internally, but may be noticed externally.
It is true that these are things of teens, but they should, precisely, be educated. Adolescence is the age in which great ideals are awakened, and they should be fostered. Children easily realize that self-centeredness is an obstacle to see the needs of others. From there, they could appreciate modesty as a prerequisite to achieve the generous heart they want to have.
Modesty and fashion
Adolescents can be taught how to relate, talk with others and how to dress properly.
They tend to be guided by peer pressure and by other subtle or aggressive pressures in society. To be different from their peers makes them feel strangers. Neither many boys really care for the careful casual way of dressing, nor many girls feel comfortable with not very modest ways of dressing, but the fear of feeling rejected by their equals makes them want to dress like the others.
The remedy is not isolating the children from their peers: they need their friends to mature. What is necessary is that they go against the current. They have to know how to do it.
If the children say that everybody goes like that, the parents have to explain first the need to value one’s personality, and try to help them have good friends. In the second place, parents should try to make friends with the parents of their children’s friends, to help each other in different aspects of education.
In any case, one should not allow lack of modesty and bad taste in dressing to enter into the home. Parents should notice it, and talk it over with the children with serenity and firmness. St Josemaria explains: If you do not have fortitude, if in your own house you do not know how to say enough is enough!, because they have to do what the others do…, then, what a pity. For sure you are very eloquent with your daughters. Whisper to the ears of a daughter … what may happen to her if she dresses like that, and you will see how she listens to you. Calmly, parents should explain the reasons. During childhood, usually the father explains to the boy, and the mother to the girl, these topics. In adolescence, it is convenient that both intervene. A father should explain to his daughter why immodest dress is not convenient. Confidences of this sort, in a prudent manner, will surely help the children, even if it will be manifested years later.
Part of education in modesty if the choice of the place for vacation. In many countries, the beaches are not recommendable, even if one tries to be careful. Another area to consider is the place of entertainment of the children; a third place is the room of the child.
A lack of obedience of the child in these areas, if, after a time, leads to repentance, it may become formative in the long run. The important thing is to be serene. Also the parents learned it when they were teenagers! Education requires patience and persistence, together with affection, good humour and confidence. The parents should be convinced that it is worthwhile to educate in this way.
