A demanding love

Perhaps today more than ever, the social environment and the media exercise a strong influence on children, one that is far from neutral. Moreover, the tendency exists today to teach values that are acceptable to everyone, perhaps positive in themselves, but generally quite minimal.Therefore parents need to teach fearlessly all the good values they consider essential for their children’s happiness. For example, by insisting on the importance of study, children learn that it is good to apply themselves to their work at school. By insisting with affection on the importance of cleanliness and dress, children learn that hygiene and appearance are not trivial matters. But if the parents fail to insist on these values, always leading by their own example and providing good reasons (for example, the importance of temperance, always telling the truth, loyalty, prayer, frequenting the sacraments, living holy purity, etc), children will intuitively sense that these values belong to the past, that not even their parents practice them or bother to take them seriously.

One factor of vital importance here is communication. A common temptation is to think: “I don’t understand young people today,” or “the environment is so bad,” or “in the past this would never have been allowed.” Arguments from authority can be useful at times, but they always prove insufficient in the end. In education, rewards and punishments can sometimes be effective, but above all one ought to speak about the goodness or badness of actions and the kind of life these acts build up. This will also make it easier for children to discover the indissoluble link between freedom and responsibility.

Giving children good reasons for what is asked of them will always be necessary. St. Josemaria said that “the ideal attitude of parents lies more in becoming their children’s friends—friends who will be willing to share their anxieties, who will listen to their problems, who will help them in an effective and agreeable way.”[7] To make this a reality, parents need to spend time with their children, speaking with and listening to each one. They need to take the initiative to speak calmly about the facts of life, the crises that come during adolescence, courtship, and certainly (since it is the most important reality in their life), the vocation God destines each person to. As Benedict XVI wrote, “education would be impoverished if it were limited to providing concepts and information, and neglected the key question about the truth, especially the truth that can guide our life.”[8] Parents should never be afraid to speak with their children about anything, nor to admit that they too made mistakes when they were young. Far from taking away their authority, these confidences will better enable them to carry out their educational mission.

Moreover, just as good professionals have a noble eagerness to learn and to improve their work, parents should want to learn how to be better spouses and better parents. This is a great challenge. The effort required should never be lost sight of, but with the grace given in the sacrament of matrimony and the spouses’ joyful and loving dedication, all these sacrifices can be cheerfully borne. The education of one’s children is a task of love. With this love, parents can go trustingly to God, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named,[9] asking that he protect their family and bestow his blessings on the children. “Pray for them. The prayer of a father or mother, when they pray to God for their children, is extremely powerful. Pray! Pray for them. Put them under the protection of the Blessed Virgin Mary, be a good friend ofSt Joseph, who was a wonderful father, and have a lot of devotion to the guardian angels of your children.”[10]
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[7] Ibid., no.27.

[8] Benedict XVI, Letter to the Diocese ofRomeon the Urgent Task of Education, January 21, 2008.

[9] Eph 3:14.

[10] Hogares luminosos y alegres, p. 125.

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Published by Mark

Chaplain for the Caribbean Institute for Family Development

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